Aunt Flow (A Letter)

Dearest Aunt Flow,

   I think it's about time we have a little chat. See this body? (points at self) This is my body. MY body. It has been 30 years, this year, that you entered my life. For all these years, I have sat back and done nothing while you did whatever you wanted with this body. If you were late, fine, I dealt with it. Same if you were early. I have put up with your aches, cramps, chills, bloating, hot flashes, and mood swings. I even kept my mouth shut when you made my boobs hurt these last few years and when you decided every month that my uterus would feel like someone was using it for a inflatable bounce house. Well, all I have is this...

  Could you please just go away? Do me a HUGE favor and get hit by a bus? Fall off the face of the earth and die? Do something other than harass me every three weeks? I'm tired of just bending over and taking it up the yoohoo. I've been silent all these years. Haven't I paid enough? It's hot, i'm cranky and would rather be swimming than sitting here with you tangling up my insides like you own me. And by the way, I'm going to be 40 this year, how many good years of sex do you think I have left in me before I can't do it anymore? (is this reaching?)

  Anyways, if you could kindly just stop now, I wouldn't complain one bit. Although I'm sure I would miss you, I can guarantee it wouldn't be anytime soon.

                                                                                       

                                                                                                  Not so Happy,

                                                                                                       Heather

PS - Did I mention...I hate you? Just sayin!

Thankful Thursday

Seeing that I do a Pet Peeve Monday, I thought I would do a blog for not only the things that piss me off but also for things that I am thankful for. I need that balance or I feel off the rest of the week. So I'm happy to announce Thankful Thursdays.

A Woman's Guide to Surviving Football Season

The leaves are starting to fall, the weather is getting colder, the stores have taken out all the stuff for summer and have started throwing out items for Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, and we know what that means, right ladies? That’s right, FOOTBALL!


Now, while there are a slim majority of women out there who like or at least understand the fundamentals of the game (I am one of those who understand the basics but just am not a fan), there are other women who know absolutely nothing about football or the etiquette that comes with it. If you value your relationship with your man, there are a few rules that everyone woman should know. On the other hand, if you want to test to see how strong your relationship is, by all means, wait until the game is tied with seconds left, your guys team has the ball and are about to go for a field goal, and come in, take the remote, turn the television off, and ask to talk about your feelings or ask for snuggle time. Now, I am no expert on relationships, but I can guarantee you, it won’t last past that moment unless the remote is handed back immediately and you make yourself disappear…so without further ado, I present…

Things I Like That Are Not Age Appropriate

We all have things we enjoy doing in our spare time. And for the most part, most of mine are age appropriate..for the most part...

A Few of My Favorite Things Friday

I really wanted to participate in the whole Fuck You Friday thing going around on all the ladies blogs that I read, but then all of a sudden, I can't find a one of them for the icon to do it with..grrr, I have alot of fuck you's to put out there damnit!
So until then, I'll do it this way and see what becomes of it. 

Because My Head is Overflowing

My mind isn't getting any rest. I get this creative surge in me and I can't stop doing whatever it is I am into at the time until I feel satiated. Because of this, I spent the last two days coming up with almost 2 months worth of blogging ideas. Now that I have these ideas, I want to implement them as soon as I can. It is literally driving me nuts, can we say O.C.D? The positive thing is, at least I'll have two months worth of blogs ready to post everyday. The bad thing is, there are days like today where I may do a couple of posts just to get that feeling of accomplishment I need. I apologize in advance. You've been warned...

Things That I Do That Annoy Mr. Husband

For the follow-up post, I figured it'd only be fair that I do one on the things I do to annoy Mr. Husband. And I'm sure that even with the ones I post now, he will add to this list in his own smart-ass way.