So yeah, here I am. Hi guys!! How are ya? We are adding a new series to this blog, besides just "Shit Mr. Hubby Says...we are going to do a separate one for a stoned Mr. Hubby. A stoned Mr. H is even more hilarious than a sober one. I'll be honest, I have missed some really good conversations with him because I am forever misplacing my voice recorder. So now, I stick it in my purse, because at some point everything ends up in there anyways, but that's another blog...
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
30 Day Challenge
- Your current relationship. Explain how your life feels in your relationship.
- Where you'd like to be in 10 years.
- Your views on drugs and alcohol
- Your views on religion
- A time you thought about ending your own life.
- Write 30 interesting facts about yourself
- Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
- A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
- How you hope your future will be like
- Discuss your first love and kiss
- Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up
- Bullet your whole day
- Somewhere you'd like to move or visit
- Your earliest memory
- Your favorite tumblrs
- Your views on mainstream music
- Your highs and lows this year
- Your beliefs
- Disrespecting your parents
- How important do you think education is
- One of your favorite shows
- How have you changed in the past two years
- Give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive
- Your favorite movie and what it's about
- Someone who fascinates you and why
- What kind of person attracts you
- A problem that you have had
- Something that you miss
- Goals for the next 30 days
- Your highs and lows of this month
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
To be continued...
I've been throwing ideas for posts back and forth for awhile now. I have three drafts that I am close to being done with but they just don't quite feel complete so I haven't been able to bring myself to publish them. Two out of the three, well, I was high. And sober me has to go through and try to fix anything messed up in those posts. I'll just say it's been interesting and I will leave it at that. In my creative moments, I also have two short stories that I've been working on but I am not sure they will ever be seen by anyone else. I am so unsure of myself lately, not just in my writing, but in pretty much everything I do. Not sure if it's lack of confidence or just still the backlash of my mom passing that has me feeling so uneasy about things.
This past year, we were closer than I think we have ever been in my entire life. It makes me hurt to think that it took her death sentence to knock some sense into me that maybe I should reach out more. I'm not complaining, the last year was wonderful, talking every one to two weeks, and not just a fly by phone call lasting two minutes. Things that we should've talked about years ago finally got brought up. I finally opened up and told her about the sexual abuse that happened before she took over custody of us. She asked me a lot why I never told her. And I told her, bluntly, she wouldn't have believed me. She didn't believe my sister about our dad. She didn't believe my real mother about her dad (kicked her out when she was 15.) I was already labeled the "bad kid" because I came to them damaged beyond what they thought I was. I spent years and years in therapy because of the fucked up shit that I saw and that happened. I am almost 45, I still have nightmares. The only difference is, I no longer go to therapy. I no longer take pills to make me seem human. The medical marijuana seems to be helping just fine in that department. I feel again, I can cry again, and I don't feel so robotic.
I know I seem to be rambling. I haven't really written or talked about her death. It's not something I am comfortable with. There is quite a bit of "dirt" in my family. I could fucking write a book. And now, if I wanted, I could actually do that without worrying about hurting her feelings or upsetting her, but I am just not at that point to be writing about being a survivor when I don't really feel that I am. I'll be honest, I don't always feel like I've truly overcome anything, because somewhere in my head, you aren't a survivor unless you've gotten over it, something I will never do. It will always be a part of me. And to those who know me who seem to think I have my shit together, I may look like it but not even close. The only thing that saves me right now, is times of a brain fogginess/memory loss. Doctor isn't sure what to chalk it up to. Sometimes they say it's a fibro-fog, but my gastro doctor seems to think it could be MS related as it is happening with a few other different symptoms. I really hope not because I don't need any more bullshit on my plate...
Oookay. So I think I just wasted like 15 minutes just sitting here staring at nothingness. I lost all train of thought on where I was going with this post...so yeah...To be continued...
.
This past year, we were closer than I think we have ever been in my entire life. It makes me hurt to think that it took her death sentence to knock some sense into me that maybe I should reach out more. I'm not complaining, the last year was wonderful, talking every one to two weeks, and not just a fly by phone call lasting two minutes. Things that we should've talked about years ago finally got brought up. I finally opened up and told her about the sexual abuse that happened before she took over custody of us. She asked me a lot why I never told her. And I told her, bluntly, she wouldn't have believed me. She didn't believe my sister about our dad. She didn't believe my real mother about her dad (kicked her out when she was 15.) I was already labeled the "bad kid" because I came to them damaged beyond what they thought I was. I spent years and years in therapy because of the fucked up shit that I saw and that happened. I am almost 45, I still have nightmares. The only difference is, I no longer go to therapy. I no longer take pills to make me seem human. The medical marijuana seems to be helping just fine in that department. I feel again, I can cry again, and I don't feel so robotic.
I know I seem to be rambling. I haven't really written or talked about her death. It's not something I am comfortable with. There is quite a bit of "dirt" in my family. I could fucking write a book. And now, if I wanted, I could actually do that without worrying about hurting her feelings or upsetting her, but I am just not at that point to be writing about being a survivor when I don't really feel that I am. I'll be honest, I don't always feel like I've truly overcome anything, because somewhere in my head, you aren't a survivor unless you've gotten over it, something I will never do. It will always be a part of me. And to those who know me who seem to think I have my shit together, I may look like it but not even close. The only thing that saves me right now, is times of a brain fogginess/memory loss. Doctor isn't sure what to chalk it up to. Sometimes they say it's a fibro-fog, but my gastro doctor seems to think it could be MS related as it is happening with a few other different symptoms. I really hope not because I don't need any more bullshit on my plate...
Oookay. So I think I just wasted like 15 minutes just sitting here staring at nothingness. I lost all train of thought on where I was going with this post...so yeah...To be continued...
.
Thursday, August 4, 2016
I Am Struggling...
This may come off as a little scatterbrained and if so, I want to apologize in advance. I am having a rough time tonight, having a rough time keeping my cool. I am trying to take care of the house, trying to take care of mom since the hospital, trying to help get Mr. Hubby ready for his surgery on the 26th, and I suffer from Crohn's, IBS, Fibromyalgia and possibly Rheumatoid Arthritis. On top of this, I have suffered from what was once was called manic depression, now called major depression, along with minor ocd, and anxiety. I take a injection in my stomach every two weeks and because of those shots, I have to take a form of speed called phentermine (which only works half the time) A week ago, I slept most of the time for 4 days straight, while on that med. I take 13 pills every morning and at night, if in pain or having muscle spasms, I take flexiril, or hydrocodones...if absolutely needed. Every month or month and a half, my doctor gives me these prescriptions, 90 count of each in case I need them every 8 hours. I never do, I only take them during the day if the pain is unbearable, and normally by the end of the day, I am in pain, so I will take one depending on the form of pain before my hot bath and bed time. I was on steroids for months, and the lower back spasms caused the curve in my lower spine to straighten out. I am saying all this because it leads up to my newest problem...
Sunday, July 31, 2016
It's been awhile coming...
They say when it rains it pours. I think I/we can fairly attest to this with our recent streak of luck. I mean, I can not be the only one that when something good happens, and things start looking up and everyone is feeling happy and relaxed, some freaking high power decides to knock you down a notch or fifty. At some point, you begin to wonder what exactly you did so wrong in this universe to deserve such luck. I am nice to people, I give money to those who need it (when I have money), I donate to cancer foundations (once again, money), I respect my elders, I am a damn good listener and always have a ear for anyone who needs it, and I try and put most peoples needs and wants before my own. All in all, I think I am a good person. Seriously, I keep telling myself, it has to get better, it can't be bad all the time, right? But thus far, positivity hasn't gotten me far at all. Anyways, not to sit here and complain (which I feel I have every right to freaking do), but I thought I would share some stuff that has been going on with us recently so that people understand what has been going on...
Sunday, June 12, 2016
Let's Talk Movies...
We were laying in bed last night, watching something, I don't even remember, I was sooo tired. And Mr. Hubby made a statement about how his movie choices are so much better than mine. I scoffed at that statement and the argument started about who has better taste in movies. So he starts bringing up all these "spoof" movies that I have made him watch. The only reason I make him watch them is to see how long he will actually sit through them, although sometimes, there is actually some stuff that is so stupid, it's funny. He then asked me to provide a movie that he has made me watch that was bad. Well my go to movie is always Frankenfish. Seriously, look it up. He tells me how awesome that movie is and asks for another example. Well I will be honest, my memory hasn't been so great since I have started all these medications so I took to our movie collection and the internet to find a movie or two that he has made me suffer through. Here is my list...
1. Frankenfish
2. Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter
3. Team America, World Police
4. Any Paranormal Activity movie past the 1st and 2nd.
5. Zoolander
6. Grand Budapest Hotel
7. Donnie Darko
8. Dead End
9. Step Brothers
10. The Dibbuk Box aka The Possession
11. Blades of Glory
This was all I come up with in the time I was awake. Trust me, there are more. I will be adding to this list. But in the same breath, he has gotten to me to watch some pretty good movies too. And I have to give him credit that when he says I will love a movie, 9 out of 10 times, he is correct. And he is fair when he watches movies, because it could have a crappy rating, and we will usually give it a shot. Because of that, we have watched some cool stuff that most people probably wouldn't even try. He has also gotten me hooked on Marvel movies. I was never into them nor was I into comic books, but he tries to explain to the best of his ability how this movie ties in with that movie. So here are some of my favorites that we have watched together...
1. John Wick (wickedly awesome movie)
2. Warcraft
3. Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
4. Serenity (He also introduced me to Firefly)
5. The Last Witch Hunter
6. American Ultra
7. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
8. The Hundred Foot Journey
9. Most of the Marvel Movies (not a big fan of the Hulk movies)
10. August Rush
11. The Aviator
There are so many I could add to this list. He really does have some serious love for movies. And for the most part I trust him when he recommends something. But when it comes to movies like Gingerdead Man, yeah, not happening. He also has asked me throughout the years if I have seen this or that movie and then swears that I have lived in a box my entire life. And it's not that, it's there are some movies that just don't sound appealing. I don't like most westerns, war movies, or gangster movies. Never have been a big fan. And he tells me I should watch them, but I just can't bring myself to do so...
1. The Godfather movies
2. The Fight Club (someone ruined this movie by telling the ending)
3. Inglourious Bastards
4. Reservoir Dogs
5. Goodfellas
6. Any Bond movie
7. Any Mission Impossible movie
That's just a short list, there are many I just don't care to watch. Some of you would disagree with me, I'm sure. Feel free to post the dumbest, and best movies you have ever seen.
1. Frankenfish
2. Abraham Lincoln : Vampire Hunter
3. Team America, World Police
4. Any Paranormal Activity movie past the 1st and 2nd.
5. Zoolander
6. Grand Budapest Hotel
7. Donnie Darko
8. Dead End
9. Step Brothers
10. The Dibbuk Box aka The Possession
11. Blades of Glory
This was all I come up with in the time I was awake. Trust me, there are more. I will be adding to this list. But in the same breath, he has gotten to me to watch some pretty good movies too. And I have to give him credit that when he says I will love a movie, 9 out of 10 times, he is correct. And he is fair when he watches movies, because it could have a crappy rating, and we will usually give it a shot. Because of that, we have watched some cool stuff that most people probably wouldn't even try. He has also gotten me hooked on Marvel movies. I was never into them nor was I into comic books, but he tries to explain to the best of his ability how this movie ties in with that movie. So here are some of my favorites that we have watched together...
1. John Wick (wickedly awesome movie)
2. Warcraft
3. Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse
4. Serenity (He also introduced me to Firefly)
5. The Last Witch Hunter
6. American Ultra
7. The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
8. The Hundred Foot Journey
9. Most of the Marvel Movies (not a big fan of the Hulk movies)
10. August Rush
11. The Aviator
There are so many I could add to this list. He really does have some serious love for movies. And for the most part I trust him when he recommends something. But when it comes to movies like Gingerdead Man, yeah, not happening. He also has asked me throughout the years if I have seen this or that movie and then swears that I have lived in a box my entire life. And it's not that, it's there are some movies that just don't sound appealing. I don't like most westerns, war movies, or gangster movies. Never have been a big fan. And he tells me I should watch them, but I just can't bring myself to do so...
1. The Godfather movies
2. The Fight Club (someone ruined this movie by telling the ending)
3. Inglourious Bastards
4. Reservoir Dogs
5. Goodfellas
6. Any Bond movie
7. Any Mission Impossible movie
That's just a short list, there are many I just don't care to watch. Some of you would disagree with me, I'm sure. Feel free to post the dumbest, and best movies you have ever seen.
Shit Mr. Hubby Says...
Yeah yeah, it's been awhile. A lot of stuff happened in the last couple of months and I just haven't had it in me to write. I have had quite a few ideas on what I would like to get out, just never the will to do it. Mr. Hubby has been having a rough time. I don't blame him for feeling so depressed or wanting to sleep all the time, things haven't been that great. I am doing my best to be there for everyone and sometimes it just feels overwhelming. But the past couple of weeks, just at random moments, he has come up with some funny stuff that I made it a point daily to remember just for this blog.
We were watching the Dead Files and Amy was describing a guy she had seen who was wearing a stove pipe hat..and randomly, I said "with a button nose and two eyes made out of coal." Mr Hubby pipes in with "she is describing a man, not Frosty the fucking snow demon." I lost it.
We were watching another show, and something was brought up about King Tutankhamun and this is what followed,,,
Mr. Hubby - "I used to know King Tutankhamun."
Me - "Oh you did huh?"
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah, I was really close to him. I was his right hand man."
Me - Really?
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah they called me Tutan-notsocommon."
Me - "Seriously honey?"
Mr. Hubby - "Haha that was some funny shit right there."
He watched The Green Inferno today. From what I understand from most of my friends who have seen it, it's a disgusting movie about cannibalism and not something I would want to watch. Well he didn't say too much about it until he turned off the tv to go to sleep tonight. I asked him as we were laying there talking about how the movie was, and he said it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. But that it was gross, so I am kind of glad I didn't watch it, I had been warned and my stomach can't take stuff like it used to. So we were talking and the subject turned into the Amazon and being lost in it...
Mr. Hubby - "After seeing that movie, I would never want to be lost in the Amazon"
Me - "You will never be lost in the Amazon honey."
Mr. Hubby - "Hey, I could be."
Me - "And just how are you going to get lost there? You said you would never fly anywhere. Not even to go visit Kansas with me."
Mr. Hubby - "I would fly, I just won't fly at the weight I am now. And I would never fly to Kansas anyways, there is nothing to do there. You're zoos are nothing but farm animals."
Me - "Our zoos have more animals than just farm animals."
Mr. Hubby - "And I just don't see myself going to the local corn huskers festival."
Me - "I lived in Kansas my whole life, I have never even heard of a corn huskers festival."
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah, it's where people shuck corn."
Me - "Oh you got jokes. You act like I lived in some dinky town where everyone knows everything about everyone. My hometown was bigger than that. Not that I would want to go back there, the only thing back there is my ex husband and memories. From what I hear now, there is a pretty big drug problem."
Mr. Hubby - *mumbles something about it being the capital for meth heads* "Anyways, I wouldn't want to be lost in the Amazon.."
Me - "Just how are you going to get lost there? Where would we even be going to be flying over that area."
Mr. Hubby - "Brazil, Rio De Janiero. We could be going to the Olympics."
Me - "The Olympics are coming up this year, and how are we going to get there."
Mr. Hubby - "We could win the lottery."
Me - "Gotta play to win. We are broke,"
Mr. Hubby - "Okay okay, we could get lost on a three hour tour."
Me - "Where in the hell are you going to leave from here in states, on a three hour tour that would put you ANYWHERE near the Amazon Forest?"
Mr. Hubby - "FINE. A wormhole then."
Me - "And with that, I am getting out of bed and going on the computer for a bit."
Mr. Hubby - I just don't want to get lost in the Amazon and be eaten by cannibals."
Me - "Don't have to worry about that. I'll be back in a bit."
Mr. Hubby - "But I'll miss you."
There was some other parts of the conversation about me not having a passport and us arguing about the plane crash. Me arguing that besides crashing, the trees would further tear up the plane, and him arguing they would cushion our fall and we would live. Some of the conversations we have just floor me. I tell him often that he has a good imagination and that he should write, but he won't do it simply because he has no faith in himself. Anyways, it was nice just laying there and him actually making jokes, he hasn't done it too much lately.
I just re-read this and it seems scatterbrained. In a way it is, I did take two muscle relaxers and a norco before coming in here. I will save that for another blog.
Hope all is well with you friends. Have a good rest of the weekend!
We were watching the Dead Files and Amy was describing a guy she had seen who was wearing a stove pipe hat..and randomly, I said "with a button nose and two eyes made out of coal." Mr Hubby pipes in with "she is describing a man, not Frosty the fucking snow demon." I lost it.
We were watching another show, and something was brought up about King Tutankhamun and this is what followed,,,
Mr. Hubby - "I used to know King Tutankhamun."
Me - "Oh you did huh?"
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah, I was really close to him. I was his right hand man."
Me - Really?
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah they called me Tutan-notsocommon."
Me - "Seriously honey?"
Mr. Hubby - "Haha that was some funny shit right there."
He watched The Green Inferno today. From what I understand from most of my friends who have seen it, it's a disgusting movie about cannibalism and not something I would want to watch. Well he didn't say too much about it until he turned off the tv to go to sleep tonight. I asked him as we were laying there talking about how the movie was, and he said it wasn't as bad as people made it out to be. But that it was gross, so I am kind of glad I didn't watch it, I had been warned and my stomach can't take stuff like it used to. So we were talking and the subject turned into the Amazon and being lost in it...
Mr. Hubby - "After seeing that movie, I would never want to be lost in the Amazon"
Me - "You will never be lost in the Amazon honey."
Mr. Hubby - "Hey, I could be."
Me - "And just how are you going to get lost there? You said you would never fly anywhere. Not even to go visit Kansas with me."
Mr. Hubby - "I would fly, I just won't fly at the weight I am now. And I would never fly to Kansas anyways, there is nothing to do there. You're zoos are nothing but farm animals."
Me - "Our zoos have more animals than just farm animals."
Mr. Hubby - "And I just don't see myself going to the local corn huskers festival."
Me - "I lived in Kansas my whole life, I have never even heard of a corn huskers festival."
Mr. Hubby - "Yeah, it's where people shuck corn."
Me - "Oh you got jokes. You act like I lived in some dinky town where everyone knows everything about everyone. My hometown was bigger than that. Not that I would want to go back there, the only thing back there is my ex husband and memories. From what I hear now, there is a pretty big drug problem."
Mr. Hubby - *mumbles something about it being the capital for meth heads* "Anyways, I wouldn't want to be lost in the Amazon.."
Me - "Just how are you going to get lost there? Where would we even be going to be flying over that area."
Mr. Hubby - "Brazil, Rio De Janiero. We could be going to the Olympics."
Me - "The Olympics are coming up this year, and how are we going to get there."
Mr. Hubby - "We could win the lottery."
Me - "Gotta play to win. We are broke,"
Mr. Hubby - "Okay okay, we could get lost on a three hour tour."
Me - "Where in the hell are you going to leave from here in states, on a three hour tour that would put you ANYWHERE near the Amazon Forest?"
Mr. Hubby - "FINE. A wormhole then."
Me - "And with that, I am getting out of bed and going on the computer for a bit."
Mr. Hubby - I just don't want to get lost in the Amazon and be eaten by cannibals."
Me - "Don't have to worry about that. I'll be back in a bit."
Mr. Hubby - "But I'll miss you."
There was some other parts of the conversation about me not having a passport and us arguing about the plane crash. Me arguing that besides crashing, the trees would further tear up the plane, and him arguing they would cushion our fall and we would live. Some of the conversations we have just floor me. I tell him often that he has a good imagination and that he should write, but he won't do it simply because he has no faith in himself. Anyways, it was nice just laying there and him actually making jokes, he hasn't done it too much lately.
I just re-read this and it seems scatterbrained. In a way it is, I did take two muscle relaxers and a norco before coming in here. I will save that for another blog.
Hope all is well with you friends. Have a good rest of the weekend!
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