Pick Up Lines...Part Deux

(Yes I am quite aware that I am behind on my blogs. It has been a hectic last week and a half. To be honest, I am just freaking tired. It’s 4:38 a.m and I am in such pain that laying down is impossible, much less sleeping. So, here I am, tired as all get out but unable to take the pain anymore, and figured this would be a good time to catch up on some blogs that needed to be done.)

A couple of weeks ago, I presented you all with a blog on pickup lines and stated I would do a part two to it featuring pick up lines that you gave to me. Since doing that blog, I switched sites, and the comments were left behind on my old blog spot.

P.W. stated, “My husband is a fool. Really. I love him. He is very good to me and very supportive of whatever I want to do. That said, he is also a complete dork.
One day, years ago, he walked in the door from work, licked his thumb and wiped it on my shirt. (Really) I can’t imagine the look I gave him. He said to me, in his, “I’m trying to be sexy” voice, “Baby, we need to get you out of those wet clothes.” I about peed my pants (which would have made more wet clothes, I guess!) Needless to say, I just laughed. Very hard.
I was a waitress in a bar for a short time. A strange, drunk man walked right up to me, nose to nose (okay, he had to squat a little) and said, “You have the most seductive eyes. Bedroom eyes. What do you think?” To which I could only reply, “Not your bedroom.”
These are the two ‘pick up lines’ that stick in my mind. Not many, and likely not original, but funny nonetheless.I look forward to seeing what others have heard! Let the pick ups begin!”

B.C. said, “I was sitting by myself at a bar, and had just ordered a Jack and coke. The man sitting a barstool away (who could’ve been old enough to be my grandfather, btw) apparently overheard my order. He scooted over so that he was sitting beside me, and said, “Hey, is your name Coke? ‘Cause I’m Jack, and I think we could go really good together.”

L.S. stated, ”damn baby girl…I wouldn’t mind bending you over”. He was sober and trying to grope my ass as I was ordering a drink at the bar.

Elly followed up with, “Do you have a cell phone I could use? Someones gotta call God and let him know one of his angels is missing.”

I also got a couple from guys.
John said, “If I were a squirrel, could I bust a nut in your bush?”
“What fucks like a tiger and winks?” (Wait for an answer, wink, and walk away)

Jay said, “Nice shoes, wanna fuck?” (From what I hear, this one actually worked, Don’t ask me how)

And last but not least, a few anonymous ones, thanks to all who shared these…
“You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.”
“Your parents must be wrestlers, cause that ass is slammin”
“Do these pants make my dick look too big?”
“I put the STD in STUD. Now all I need is U”
“I’m new in town, could I have directions to your house?”

What Did You Say Seriously

Okay, so in thinking about what to blog about first, (as men tend to do many stupid things), a friend of mine and I were having a conversation about her recent night out. She had gone out to party with some friends and ended up sitting near a group of obviously too drunk guys. As if having to listen to their nonsensical conversation wasn’t bad enough on it’s own, two of the guys had taken notice of my friend and her group of gal pals. At one point, while the girls are ignoring the stuff the guys are saying, one stumbles up to my friend, looks her square in the eye, and boldly asks “Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?” My friend just stood there speechless, taking in what had just been said to her before looking at him in disgust, politely turning him down, and turning her back to him. After mumbling a few incoherent words, he moved on to harass other women through-out the night.

She is telling me this and I begin to feel really bad for her. I do not miss the single scene one bit.  I mean, single has its advantages of course. No answering to anyone. If there is a mess, you know its because you made it. No picking up after stuff that doesn’t belong to you. I’m sure there are many more perks to it, it’s just been so long since I was single for any length of time that I really don’t remember. I do, however, remember the downside to trying to find a good guy to date and all the bullshit that goes with it.

So, gals, here I am going to post some of the worst pickup lines that either a.) i have heard personally, or b.) that have been shared by my single friends.  Please feel free to post any of your own. I am anxious to hear from you all.

Top Ten Worst Pickup Lines…

10. “Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?”

9.   “If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be McGorgeous.”

8.   “Got two nipples for a dime?”

7.   “I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you.”

6.  ”Baby, your ass is like an onion…it’s making my eyes water”

5.  ”Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.”

4.  ”Excuse me, but do you give head to strangers? No? Well, then, allow me to introduce myself.”

3. “Hey! Wanna play war? You know, I lay on the ground and you blow the fuck out of me.”

2. “Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.”

And finally,  a very personal one….spoken to me with a very straight face, like I was expected to just fall in love with him right then and there, I present you with the number 1 Worst  pickup line….

1. “Baby, if we were dogs, I would sooooo be sniffing your ass right now”

And there you have it. Heard bad pickup lines? Share!